Grace Blog
8 Tips for Talking to Your Kids About the Sermon
My good friend Joe Holland has written an excellent article for moms and dads to help them talk to their children about the Sunday morning sermon. It is so good I’m just going to post it in its entirety rather than excerpt it. Take a read, book mark this, and see how this counsel could assist you in bringing the Word to bear upon the hearts and minds of your children.
They sit there next to you and their feet don’t even hit the floor. You’re thinking, “What, if anything of this guy’s sermon is sinking into my kid’s head?” And with that little thought you’ve already decided not to engage your child about the sermon. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Let me introduce you to the most important rule when talking to your kids about the sermon: They retain more than you think they do. The second most important rule is like it: They understand more than you think they do.
In the interest of these two truths I’m writing this brief guide on how to talk to your kids about a sermon. I’m writing it both as a preacher and as a parent of four boys under the age of 8. I’ve failed, succeeded, and failed some more at talking to my kids about Jesus. Hopefully the tips you find below will help you as they’ve helped me.
At the heart of the gospel is Jesus introducing us to his loving Father. In worship we get to make a similar introduction—we get to introduce our kids to Jesus. Don’t miss that opportunity.
1. Remember the outline. It doesn’t matter if you keep written notes or not. Remember the gist of what is being taught. If your pastor preaches for 40 minutes, then try to make a mental note of what you’ve covered at the 20 minute point. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t get every point. Get as many of the big ones as you can.
2. Know the one, main point. Every passage and every sermon—no matter what your pastor says—has a main point. Grab it when you see it go by and don’t let go. And as a word of caution, every preacher has a bad day. Sometimes the structure of the sermon looks like a piece of abstract art. If so, do the best you can. But don’t let the guy close in prayer without having a main point in your head.
3. How is Jesus the hero? Now that you have an outline and main point, make sure you have Jesus too. How was Jesus the hero of the sermon? Kids are incorrigibly self-centered—and so are a few adults. Make sure you have a ton to say about Jesus, no matter what the passage or where the preacher went with it. Without an emphasis on Jesus your little saints will grow up thinking that the Bible is all about them.
4. Engage your kids with open ended questions. You know the outline and you can keep to the main point. You know you’re going to talk a ton about Jesus. Now engage your kids with any kind of question you can think of… except ones that can be answered, “yes” or “no”. Here are some examples:
In the story questions: “What would have thought if you were an Israelite soldier and saw big ol’ Goliath walking up to little David?”
Emotions questions: “If you were blind, how would you feel if Jesus put his hands on your eyes and fixed them so they could see?”
Leading questions: “The rich young ruler was wrong because he thought he could earn God’s favor. Why is it silly to think we can earn God’s favor by doing enough good things?”
Action questions: “What would you have done if Jesus had made a hurricane turn into a cool breeze right in front of you?”
Application questions: “If Jesus has forgiven you, do you think you can forgive Tommy when he wings a Tonka truck at your head?”
Use your imagination questions: You know your kids best. Make up some questions.
5. Make sure the gospel is clear. Jesus died for sinners. It’s very simple and can get very complex. But no matter the passage, don’t you dare teach your kids moralism. Tell them that Jesus has done everything necessary for them to know that God is overjoyed with them. When you tell them to do something, feel something, or think something, show them how those things are motivated by God’s love and not by fear, guilt, or pride.
6. Be the first to pray and confess. Talking to your kids about the sermon is as much letting them watch you learn from the sermon as it is teaching them about the sermon. If the preacher is helping your congregation diagnose sin, show your kids how it affected you. You could say, “You know, sometimes, daddy struggles with being angry. And it’s then that I realize I really need Jesus.” And when it comes time to pray, let them pray after you. Model for them what it looks like for a Christian to talk to God.
7. Chase rabbit trails. Your kids will lead you down them. Go with them. You’ll find out a ton about how they think. And you may just enjoy the unexpected stroll off the beaten path.
8. Remember the first two rules. After all this, it may be you feel like it was a complete waste of time. It’s at that point you must remember the first two rules:
They retain more than you think they do.
They understand more than you think they do.And I promise you this, they will remember these times with you. They will forget a ton. But they won’t forget Sunday afternoons with daddy and mommy talking about Jesus.
Labels: Cape Coral, Discipleship, Grace Baptist Church, Joe Holland, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 2:42 pm | Categories: Parenting/Family |
Give Them Grace
There have been a number of books in recent years that have helped shape parenting with the gospel, but according to Tullian Tchividjian the best book on gospel-centered parenting is about to be released this Spring. Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elyse Fitzpatrick is that book. Here’s a blurb from Crossway:
How are parents to raise children so they don’t become Pharisees (legalists) or prodigals (rebels)? It’s all about grace-filled, gospel-driven parenting, says the mother/daughter team of Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson. Christian parents, in their desire to raise godly children, can drift toward rule-centered discipline. There is, however, a far more effective method—a grace-motivated approach that begins with the glorious truth of God’s love for sinners.
In Give Them Grace, parents will learn how to connect the benefits of the cross—especially regeneration, adoption, and justification—to their children’s daily lives. Chapters address topics such as our inability to follow the law perfectly, God’s forgiveness and love displayed at the cross, and what true heart obedience looks like. Fitzpatrick and Thompson also discuss discipline, dealing with popular culture, and evangelism as a way of life. Parents will find this book a great resource for raising grace-filled, Jesus-loving kids.
The book is not schedule to release until May 31, 2011, but I have already captured some mini-excerpts via Twitter. Here’s a sampling:
In the life of our regenerate children, the laws function is to show them what gospel-engendered gratitude looks like.
In the life of our unregenerate kids, the law is given for one reason; to crush their self-confidence and drive them to Christ.
Every way we try to make our kids good that isn’t rooted in the good news of Jesus Christ is damnable, crushing, Pharisee-producing law.
Even though our kids can’t & won’t obey God’s law we should teach it. When they say they can’t do it we agree & point them to our Savior.
Telling children 2 seek a right standing be4 God by being obedient 2 us, is drowning them in a ministry of death. Christ righteousness ALONE.
Parents, ask yourselves what percentage of time you spend declaring the rules and what percentage of time you spend reciting the Story.
The primary theme of what we teach our children shouldn’t be commands, but rather Jesus Christ and the work he has already done.
We long to be faithful parents but we rest in the truth that our faithfulness will not save our kids. Salvation belongs entirely to the Lord.
The good news of God’s grace is meant to permeate and transform every relationship we have, including the one with our children.
Instead of sharing the glorious liberating and life-changing truths of the gospel, we’ve taught our children that what God wants is morality.
The good news about Jesus obedience and shameful death is the only motif that will grant our children a heart to obey.
Our children need much less Veggie Tales and much more scandalous cross.
Grace, or the free favor that has been lavished on us thru Christ, ought to make our parenting radically different from what unbelievers do.
Forgetting all we know about the deadliness of relying on our own goodness, we teach our kids that Christianity is all about their behavior.
When we change the story of the Bible from the gospel of grace to a book of moralistic teaching like Aesop’s fables, things go wrong.
Christian children don’t need to learn to be “nice.” They need death & resurrection and a Savior who has gone before them as a faithful high priest, who was a child himself, and who lived perfectly and died in their place.”
What makes your parenting any different than a Mormon, or a moralistic atheist? Give your children Jesus today, give them grace.
I encourage you to get this book when it comes out! It will help you love Jesus and communicate the gospel to your kids as a shepherd and caregiver of their soul.
Labels: Cape Coral, Elyse Fitzpatrick, Give Them Grace, Gospel-Centered, Grace Baptist Church, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 1:43 pm | Categories: Books, Gospel, Parenting/Family |
J.C. Ryle on Raising Godly Children
Here are five quotes and helps from J.C. Ryle on raising godly children. Check them out.
1. Training Your Child to Love God Depends Upon You
2. Training Your Child Means Watching Over Their Soul
3. Training Your Child to Know the Bible
4. Training Your Child to Have a Habit of Prayer
5. Training Your Child to Love Church and the Lord’s Supper
Labels: Cape Coral, Grace Baptist Church, J.C. Ryle, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 12:06 pm | Categories: Parenting/Family, Resources |
2010 Biblical Parenting Seminar
The 2010 Biblical Parenting Seminar hosted by Tom and Donna Ascol is now available for download. Both the Friday night and Saturday morning sessions are approximately 2 1/2 hours long. You can click on the following links for the MP3s.
* Friday Night Sessions
* Saturday Morning Sessions
Labels: Biblical Parenting, Cape Coral, Grace Baptist Church, Parenting, Tom Ascol | posted by TimBrister at 12:28 pm | Categories: Parenting/Family, Resources |
12 Principles for a Gospel-Centered Family
Coming up this summer during our Bible Study hour of Grace Gathered, we will be looking at what it means to be a gospel-centered family. Last Fall, we spent 20 weeks working through the gospel-centered life, and Pastor Tom, through his expositional preaching of 1 Corinthians, has been showing us the gospel-centered church. This summer, we will seek to apply the gospel in a crucial area of our lives–the family.
At the SojournKids blog, Jared Kennedy posted 12 principles for a gospel-centered family from Tim Chester and Ed Moll’s book, Gospel-Centered Family: becoming the parents God wants you to be. As a primer for this summer, take a look at these principles (we will be using this book as well).
1. Your family can show how great it is to live under God’s reign of love (Ephesians 6:1-4).
2. Knowing God is far more important than “succeeding” in life (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
3. The biggest obstacle to good discipline is our own selfish hearts (James 4:1-10).
4. Trying to be a good parent will crush you if you don’t embrace grace (Luke 18:9-14).
5. Addressing the heart matters more than controlling behavior (Colossians 2:20-3:10).
6. Don’t train your child to be a legalist (Luke 15:11-32).
7. Make sure you enjoy your children (Psalm 127).
8. Teach your children about God in the context of everyday life (Deuteronomy 11:16-21).
9. Shape WHAT younger children watch and HOW older children watch (Proverbs 4:1-9).
10. Teach children to pray by praying with them (Matthew 6:5-15).
11. We belong to two families (Mark 3:31-35).
12. Children are not the center of the world (Mark 12:28-34).
Labels: Cape Coral, Family, Gospel-Centered Family, Grace Baptist Church, Parenting, Tim Chester | posted by TimBrister at 11:49 am | Categories: Gospel, Parenting/Family, Sunday School Stuff |
Gospel-Empowered Parenting
Juan Sanchez has written some helpful thoughts on the difference between gospel-empowered parenting versus fear-based parenting. Consider these points of application based on gospel realities in the home:
We must confess that we are not perfect parents - we have failed often and miserably! First, as Farley reminds us, know that if we were perfect parents, then our children would not need Christ. Second, know that if we were perfect parents, then we would not need Christ. Embracing the good news of the gospel begins with uncovering my sin, my failures and looks to the perfect Father who sent the perfect Son to live the life that pleases the Father and who received the punishment that we deserved.
Therefore, confess your sins: to the Father, to your family, your children as/when appropriate. Let them see your need for Christ and point them to Christ in their sin and failures. Build relationships with your children on the unconditional love of the gospel of the Father so that our children will not think that our love for them is conditioned on their performance. Spend much time on positive instruction: catechizing, reading together, doing life together in light of the gospel.
Be your child’s/children’s encourager. At our house, we (mom and dad) continually tell our children that we are their number one fans. It’s corny; we laugh; they get embarrassed. But we want them to know that we are for them, not against them. Finally, regardless of what kind of father you may or may not have had, remember that God is the perfect Father, and that His love is unconditional. He loves us because He chooses to love us, not because of anything in us or because of our performance. He loves us in Christ, and nothing will ever sever that love He has for us in Christ (Romans 8:29ff).
Be sure to read the whole thing.
Labels: Cape Coral, Gospel, Grace Baptist Church, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 12:01 pm | Categories: Gospel, Parenting/Family |
Parenting Children Through Hard Thoughts About God
C.J. Mahaney recently shared about some counsel he gave to a father who was concerned that his constant call to obey the Lord would produce in his child hard thoughts about God, knowing his children do not have the power to live up to God’s commands. Consider the wise counsel Mahaney provided:
* You have the privilege of introducing them to God the Father and describing the ways in which he is different from you, different from all sinful fathers, and how in any way you are like him it’s only because of grace that you reflect him. See Luke 11:11–13.
* Your honest confession of your sin to your children will protect them from having hard thoughts about you or God.
* Communicating your affection for them—and joy when you are with them—promotes both good and accurate thoughts about God.
* Initiate time with them at both planned and spontaneous times. Don’t leave them with the impression that they get most of your attention when they disobey. Let them know you are so grateful for them and love being with them as much as possible.
* Bless your children with many gifts in many forms! See Luke 11 again. Study your children in order to discern what gifts would genuinely bless them and then purpose to surprise them as often as possible.
* Requiring appropriate obedience does not promote hard thoughts about God. This only happens when we do so in self-righteousness or anger. See point 2 again.
* Frequently preach the gospel to them (and not at them). Reveal to your children just how far God has gone to show his love for sinners like us.
* My friend, if you follow the example of our gracious God, your children will not have hard thoughts about him. They will have accurate thoughts about him—and a deep love for you.
Labels: C.J. Mahaney, Cape Coral, God, Grace Baptist Church, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 3:15 pm | Categories: Parenting/Family |
Parents who forget they are lawbreakers
This is an excellent parenting excerpt from Elyse Fitzpatrick’s latest book, Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ.
“Parents who forget that they are law breakers expect their children to keep the law and to make them look good. They expect children who exhibit exemplary respect and self-discipline. Such parents are self-righteous and proud, and all too often they put confidence in themselves, their ability to obey God, and their methodology for extracting obedience from their children. They forget that the Lord didn’t save or bless them because they were law keepers but, rather, because they weren’t.
Although they may know they have failed to keep the law–loving God with heart, soul, mind, and strength and their neighbor as themselves–they give their children the law (or house rules) and expect perfect compliance the first time and every time, with a happy heart. Such parents are harsh and impatient and tempted to anger when their children fail. Although they might know the law doesn’t change the heart (and is, in fact, a ministry of death [2 Cor. 3:7]), they expect the law to change the hearts of their children. They forget that they have been adopted and brought into the family, not only as those who misunderstood and slipped up from time to time, but as defiant rebels. Have parents consistently obeyed God the first time and every time, with a happy heart? Children need what parents need–the gospel. Certainly children need to learn God’s law and to have house rules to follow, but gospel-oriented parents give the law to show children their need for a Savior, not to make them obedient.”
- Elyse Fitzpatrick, Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the love of Christ (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2009), 159 (emphasis mine).
May God help those of us who are parents to give our children what they need, what we need–the gospel.
Labels: Counsel from the Cross, Elyse Fitzpatrick, Gospel, Gospel-Centered Parenting, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 11:00 am | Categories: Gospel, Parenting/Family |
Spankings don’t save anybody - the Gospel does!
Let this little video expert be a sober reminder and daily challenge to shepherd our children’s hearts with the gospel, not just discipline them with the hand.
HT: Jared Kennedy (Sojourn Kids)
Labels: Discipline, Gospel-Centered Parenting, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 3:38 pm | Categories: Gospel, Parenting/Family |
Parents, Give Up Your Independence
Tim Keller, in his excellent book The Reason for God, speaks of the significance of sacrificing parental independence that children who are dependent might know the freedom you enjoy. He writes:
“Children come into the world in a condition of complete dependence. They cannot operate as self-sufficient, independent agents unless their parents give up much of their own independence and freedom for years. If you don’t allow your children to hinder your freedom in work and play at all, and if you only get to your children when it doesn’t inconvenience you, your children will group up physically only. In all sorts of other ways they will remain emotionally needy, troubled, and overdependent. The choice is clear. You can either sacrifice your freedom or theirs. It’s them or you. To love your children well, you must decrease that they may increase. You must be willing to enter into the dependency they have so eventually they can experience the freedom and independence you have (194).”
Labels: Parenting, The Reason for God, Tim Keller | posted by TimBrister at 5:38 am | Categories: Parenting/Family |
Taking Charge of the Television
Randy Alcorn tackles the question of how parents should handle the television when kids are out of school. Parents in many ways are gate-keepers to their children and exercise wisdom in skillfully navigating the treacherous waters of a toxic culture whose principle medium is that of the television. Alcorn offers the following 14 suggestions for “taking charge of the t.v.”:
Labels: Parenting, Shepherding Your Children's Hearts, Television | posted by TimBrister at 9:46 am | Categories: Parenting/Family, Resources |
Prayers We Parents Rarely Pray
Here is an important little blogpost from Doug Wolter from the blog Life2gether about the importance of humble submission and self-control in parenting.
Wolter writes:
We’ve all been there before as parents. Your child has been told what to do and doesn’t do it. You’re tired and irritated. You have no patience left in your parenting tank. And so, you yell at your child (and perhaps even discipline your child) in anger and frustration. But what good does it do? Even though you took charge of the situation, your heart feels empty and frustrated and so does your child’s.
Let’s rewind the tape. Your child has been told what to do and doesn’t do it. Instead of reacting in anger, you acknowledge the fact that you are tired and lacking in patience. So before speaking to your child, you speak first to God. Just a simple prayer asking Him something like,
“Father, I need your help right now. I need your Spirit to give me patience and wisdom to talk with my child. I can’t do it on my own. I need you and my child needs you. Without you, Jesus, I can do nothing. So be with me now as I go. Open up my heart and my child’s heart to you.”
With a simple prayer such as this one, we take our parenting out of our hands and put it into God’s hands. We admit we cannot parent on our own. And so we pray a simple prayer of dependence … a simple prayer of reliance … a simple prayer of surrender.
This is the prayer we parents rarely pray. But I wonder how it would change us, and I wonder how it would change our families.
Labels: Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 6:42 am | Categories: Parenting/Family |
Personal and Family Devotions for Little Children
With a 15 month-old boy and another one due in five weeks, I appreciate the words of John Piper as he explains how the Piper household developed personal and family devotions for little children. With a full stomach and a good night’s rest, Piper explains what happens at their breakfast table with young infants:
And at that moment Daddy gets out a big book. And he reads from it, a paragraph maybe. This little child doesn’t understand anything I’m saying. He’s six months old, or nine months, or a year.
He doesn’t understand anything I’m saying, but he’s learning big time what is going on here: he’s watching daddy take leadership; he’s noticing a book; he’s hearing reading; he’s watching them pray afterwards; and he’s learning massively important things before he understands a word that is going on here.
So he is included in family devotions. He is being trained in devoting himself to God through his word.
Go here to read or listen to the entire piece by Piper. Good, practical advice on cultivating godly habits in little children.
Labels: Family Devotion, Family Worship, John Piper, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 8:31 am | Categories: Parenting/Family, Resources |
Get Outta My Face - Book About Teens and the Gospel
One of the goals we seek to continue to provide on our blog is an ongoing list of resources to help you in your various roles and relationships in life as a follower of Christ, father, mother, minister, missionary, etc. In all these various aspects of life, it is our desire for Christ to be honored and glorified in all we say and do.
Perhaps one of the most difficult times for parents is the teenage years of their children. Having said that, there is a new book release that I would like to make you aware of. It is entitled Get Outta My Face: How to Reach Angry, Unmotivated Teens with Biblical Counsel by Rick Horne. Horne has years of experience turning around the lives of troubled teens with the gospel. You can get this book for a limited time for the introductory price of just $4.88 (65% off the list price). Be sure to check it out.
For a preview, download the table of contents or chapter one of the book (PDFs).
Here are a some blurbs by a few authors you may be familiar with:
“Rick Horne has invested in teens his whole life. He has learned that he is more like them than unlike them. From years of first hand experience, he knows how to talk with them and his is not afraid of the tough ones. What you will read here is the wisdom of a man who has experienced the courage and hope that transforming grace can give to you and that hard teenager God has chosen for you to be near. This book is a call to action with biblical perspectives and practical steps that God can use to change the teenager and you as well.” - Paul David Tripp
says: “Rick Horne knows teens the kind that won’t talk and those that won’t stop talking. If you have a teenager, you need this book. In fact, don’t wait for the teen years! Arm yourself now with the timeless truths from this book that counsels moms and dads with gospel-hope for teenage trials.” - Dave Harvey, author of When Sinners Say “I Do”
Labels: Get Outta My Face, Parenting, Teenagers | posted by TimBrister at 8:56 am | Categories: Books, Parenting/Family |
Barnabas Piper on His Parent’s 40th Anniversary
On the 40th anniversary of his parents, John and Noel Piper, Barnabas Piper shares 22 things he admires about his parents. I encourage you to read his list, some of which includes:
2. The open door policy. Anyone can visit any time.
4. Their availability at any time, particularly times of need or crisis.
6. That they were excited to expand our family by adopting when they were 50 or close to it.
15. That they taught me to enjoy going to church.
17. Including visitors in family devotions.
22. That I learned to pray from listening to countless prayers from both of them.
Labels: Barnabas Piper, John Piper, Noel Piper, Parenting | posted by TimBrister at 12:54 pm | Categories: Parenting/Family |
